A slinky is like a person - not much use in many ways but puts a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs. (submitted by argon87)
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Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing it doesn't go in a fruit salad. (submitted by emzyem)
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Why are we always doing things "for goodness's sake"? Who is Goodness? What did they ever do for us? (submitted by crazycat777)
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If at first you don't succeed, failure might be your thing. (submitted by lavalamp321)
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Life is hard. After all, it kills you. - Katharine Hepburn (submitted by LilyEvensPotter)
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If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? (submitted by loveya1234)
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If one synchronized swimmer drowns, does that mean they all have to? (submitted by loveya1234)
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If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. (submitted by loveya1234)
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Love me or leave me. Hey! Where's everybody going?? (submitted by loveya1234)
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It takes both rain and sunshine to make a rainbow. (submitted by loveya1234)
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Why does mineral water "trickled through mountains for centuries" go out of date next year? (submitted by loveya1234)
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If you stole a pen from the bank is it classified as a bank robbery? (submitted by loveya1234)
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I was standing in the park wondering why frisbees got bigger as they got closer - then it hit me. (submitted by loveya1234)
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Roses are red, violets are blue. Who cares - so are crayons. (submitted by loveya1234)
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What do you call a female daddy long legs? (submitted by loveya1234)
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Last night I dreamed I ate a ten pound marshmallow and when I woke up the pillow was gone. (submitted by loveya1234)
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Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. (submitted by loveya1234)
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Unite against togetherness! (submitted by loveya1234)
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Quitting smoking is easy - I've done it a hundred times. (submitted by loveya1234)
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Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets? (submitted by loveya1234)
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Excuse me, but I think my karma just ran over your dogma. (submitted by loveya1234)
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I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. (submitted by loveya1234)
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Your village called, their idiot is missing. (submitted by
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