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Q&A w/…
Guess who's cack[ling] in the house.
Just another weirdo from the internet.
Call me Raven (or Swap, Snap, Freude, Gigi, or Spam).
Not online 24/7.
Raven out.
ravenclaw9
15 entries · 2 comments · since 2020
10/24/20 (Fake Diary Entry)
(This entry follows the format of the interview I posted before.)
First of all, go away, darling.
Second, if you are still there, really go away.
---
Elle twisted the bracelet on her hand.
Raven: Be careful, dear. Do not lose it. Steph stole our bracelets fresh out of a Gucci bag.
Elle: Riiiight.
Farrah adjusted her beanie.
Farrah: Gucci? Never heard of her.
Raven: Darling, that is because you prefer to play it simple and casual.
Tammie: I also like playing it casual.
Raven: No, you are playing it edgy.
Farrah: Mm-hm.
Elle: Mmkaaaaay.
Raven: Tammie, how far are we from our destination?
Tammie: Not very far.
Raven: Good.
I leaned on the backseat and looked out the limo window.
Raven: Stephie, dear, what is on your mind? Just because your chair is beside the driver seat, which Tammie has occupied, does not mean you can be quiet.
Steph: Oh, uh, where is Debbie?
Farrah: Deb said she will do some incognito shopping.
Tammie: How is she gonna pull off incognito shopping?
Farrah: She is into Dungeons and Dragons lately, so she is just gonna embrace her geeky self and act innocent.
Steph: Uh, why is she shopping?
Elle: Because she wants this delicious packet of egg cakes.
Raven: Does the restaurant we are heading to not serve egg cakes?
Elle: Special egg cakes, know what I am saying?
Steph: Is it not, um, expensive tho--
Elle: (shouting) Tammie, stop!
Tammie stomped on the brakes.
Tammie: Yes?
Elle: Abort! Abort!
Tammie: Why?
Elle: Police is coming.
A flurry of police cars blocked our path. Tammie gripped the steering wheel.
Tammie: That is the least of my worries.
Elle: Tammie--is that another way of saying--
Tammie: (shouting) I am gonna jump it! Prepare for a possible breaking-of-the-bones outbreak!
Farrah: What? Really? Lemme do it!
Farrah stood up, grasped the steering wheel, and steered the limo upwards.
Steph: (shouting) G-GUHHHHH!
It thudded to the ground. Farrah gave the wheel and right to drive back to Tammie and sat beside me.
Farrah: You are such a scaredy-cat, Steph.
Steph: H-hey! I-I am the brains of this g-group! N-not the f-f-fearless one!
Elle: Farrah is right. Chile, y
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ravenclaw919
ravenclaw925 Oct 20200comments
Sigh. Humanity is severely disappointing these days. They think I am approachable, so they walk up to and interview me. I have avoided people like them before, but I finally made an exception for one clever, happy child.
I guided her to my favorite cafe, ordered myself and her delicious blueberry cake, sat in a table farthest from the crowd, adjusted my straw hat, and nodded.
Child: Excuse me, Madam, but I did not catch your name.
Raven: The name is Raven.
Child: Good afternoon, Ms. Raven. My name is Simone.
Raven: Dear, be quick. I do not have all day.
Simone: When was the last time you killed someone?
Raven: Last week, I recall.
Simone: Please describe that time.
Raven: The name of a friend of mine is Elle, and Elle had a plan to kill Mae and her husband at their wedding. When Mae entered the garden, Elle and perhaps 100 other people shot her. The 100 people included me.
Simone: Why do you kill?
Raven: To rid of ennui.
Simone: What are you doing when you are not killing?
Raven: Eating, sleeping, taking a shower, the usual.
Simone: What would you do if I cursed all your pets without your permission?
Raven: Lead you to the chopping block, of course.
Simone: Are you still friends with Elle?
Raven: I do not talk to her that much, but when I do, I whisper a name of a future victim that comes to mind and she will hatch a plan to kill that victim.
Simone: Who is more dangerous, you or Elle?
Raven: Me, because I have more weapons.
Simone: What is your favorite pastime?
Raven: Killing.
Simone: Other than killing?
Raven: Excuse me?
Simone: Sorry, Ms. Raven, but all I know about you is that you are an expert killer.
Raven: I like shopping.
Simone: Why is that?
Raven: To disguise myself.
Simone: Have you ever hurt your friends to accomplish something?
Raven: I killed a friend.
Simone: Really?
Raven: You do not want to know.
Simone: K.
Raven: K.
Simone: What is your name?
Raven: Are you testing me to see if I am not lying in these questions?
Simone: How good are you at spotting a lie and lying?
Raven: I am both a good lie detector and a good liar.
Simone: Am I lying right now?
Raven: No, because lies take the form of answers.
Simone: Have you ever almost been caught by the police?
Raven: No, I am too fast.
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ravenclaw919
ravenclaw918 Oct 20200comments
Hey, Tweetly, good morning!
Or good night, I don”t know
I won”t be in the mourning
If you die or go

No one needs you anymore
Because you and your stuff sucks
Those who do need you are sore
You”re the blue bird in the ducks

Lord Beelzebub
You must bow to the ruler
If he”s in YouTube, smash SUB
“Cause he is taking over

I see how this will end
This may not be your time
I will never be your friend
Thank you for reading this rhyme

Not only can I kill
I can also rap
Get away from here and chill
Before I grab my knife and snap
Mwahaha...
Keep reading →
ravenclaw919
ravenclaw917 Oct 20200comments