Entry #1

I will be starting my own little blog journal thing so before you start to dislike this and report it randomly please know that I am not forcing you to read it, I am simply expressing my feelings in a place where I can feel like somebody is listening even if they aren't. It's nice to know that what you say can not come back to haunt you if nobody you know can see it or if they do see it will know that it's you. So keep that in mind before you begin reading this.


Why do people ask me the same question day after day? Just when I think the topic fades, it rises to the surface again, creating ripples in my life. Instead of teh topic disappearing to the murky bottom I feel as though I'm being sucked under all the mud. It's so hard to get out from the murky shadows and it becomes hard to breathe under the water. I try to hide from it but it always finds me. Even after I hit the bottom I keep getting pushed farther and farther as I try to act like I am on top. If everyone else can't let go of it, then how can I? I know that I have hurt people and I've said the wrong things, but do really think that this will make it any better. You think you're helping us up, but you're only pushing me down, maybe him as well. We're on complete opposite sides of the pond so get over it. We are as far away from each other as we could be, but the water from above makes it seem as though we are closer. We may seem the same but we aren't. You think we're perfect? Think again. I'm happy the way I am and my life doesn't affect you at all, so you have to let it go before I run out of breathe. I don't need anybody else to survive, I just need me.